Giving in to Marriage

An interesting thing happened this weekend. Some old friends came into town to attend the funeral of a set of brothers, who are local. Besides connecting at the the wake and funeral itself with old local friends who we hardly see any longer, we got the opportunity to spend extra time with friends who lived farther away in other states and overseas. Some stayed with us in our home.

We, the entire group, all went to college together and had a wonderful time back then doing what college kids do best when they are not studying: partying and taking road trips together. During this weekend, I began to see how we had really grown up and have become such more responsible.

I had already seen the transformation in most of the guys except one. That one was considered quite a ladies man by the way he would swoon all the girls and how he had a string of steady flings and girlfriends who would go crazy over him. He has that effect on his exes still in a way that they would ask about him periodically when he would flash into town, even being married with children themselves.

In any event, something was different, I noticed, about this particular guy friend of ours, who is an artist and was always a free spirit rolling stone kind of guy who didn't take too much to the establishment or conformity. He seemed resolved, sullen, settled, more mature and progressively older somehow and unassuming, almost like a bit of his playboy swagger had been dissipated somehow. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something about him changed from the last few times I had seem him.

Fast forward to Monday afternoon. My husband had to drop him off at the airport early this morning before returning to help me prep the kids for school. Unprovoked, my husband announced that he had asked this friend if he was "now finally settled" into marriage life.

"Yes." he had responded. Essentially, my husband checked in to make sure that this friend, who had at least one bump getting settled into married life had finally resolved himself to his new life; and seemed renewed and committed...and content.

In essence, it was confirmation of sorts that the old play boy, renegade, ladies man Life is gone. Buried in the past and replaced with the resigned devoted husband and father who is at peace with the new reality that his life is now rituals, norms and practices of family life and the typical family man.

"Yes." he had replied to my husband. I'm not sure what else was said, but my husband felt it important to give me the report that he had finally joined him and the other fellers to realize and appreciate all the wonderful things he had at home and nothing in the world would compete or compare to that.

I wondered at what time, if at all, my husband had to go through that realization. He was unlike most of our guy friends though and never really the playboy lady chaser type. Well that is what I told/tell myself anyway.

In any event, I found it a very interesting notation to see the last to crumble and give up on "young life", if you would. Don't get me wrong. Our friend has always been a great dad, and eventual husband, just like the other guys in my circle. I was tickled to discover that all of them are the disciplinarians in their households. Typical, but neat to know I am not the only softee. But all in all, it was an interesting commentary on married life, giving in to the routine and the evolution into adulthood. Just like with maturity in the teenage agers, the guys are always last to conform...way after the girls.

But in any event, that weekend spent taking tequila shots and laughing and reminiscing over old photos of our "wutless" and raucous past was fun. Indeed, it was great to re-connect. At some point one of the brothers whose mom had passed said, "When did it happen? When did we all become responsible adults?"