When Telling me I have Smart Kids is Not a Compliment

When I am out and about with my three children ages 2 to 7 1/2, I get quite a few stares. It doesn't matter if I am in a diverse multi-ethnic setting, a predominantly White or Black area, it's the same thing.

Even when I catch some folks staring, they are still so amazed that they don't even break their gaze. In my head, I am shaking my head. Outwardly, I may sigh.

Occasionally, someone will actually come up to me and say it: "Your kids are so smart." or "You are doing such a great job." or "Your children speak so well."

You see, I work from home, so most of my time is spent in sweats, jeans, t-shirts and a pony tail. It doesn't help that I look like I am in my early to mid-twenties. No Lie, this mid 30-year old is constantly being told she looks quite young.

So because I am aware of my girlish looks, I am not surprised to see the sometimes amazed, sometimes disapproving glares from people who believe I had children too young and am overwhelmed by all my children.

But what usually also happens is if they have an opportunity to witness and be around us for a few moments, they get a chance to hear how "articulate", well versed, witty, sharp and fun my children are. I let them explore and do not keep them on a short leash, telling them No! all the time. I am certain that when others witness that I do not berate them, yell at them, yank them around and treat them like an annoyance as what they may be used to seeing of young black moms on TV or in the movies, they are taken aback. I cannot explain it otherwise.

It is not what they are used to seeing. It shatters the stereotype they are used to and thus... the Gawk!

And again, like I said, I get it from Blacks and Whites; Young and Old. It happens in church, at the grocery store, at the mall, at the library, at events and outings.

I am not alone.

I was at a fundraiser for one of my children's school recently, and I happened to bump into another black woman who lives in my neighborhood. We discovered each other because our sons play on the same town soccer team. We later learned that our children also attended the same daycare. We were so happy to find each other living in a predominantly White town. We both lamented on how when we find other persons of color, we get so giddy! We shared stories and she agreed she gets the same thing. The neighbor across the street insists on telling her every now and then that her son is so well behaved.

"I want to know what he expects and if he thinks he is complimenting me when he says that," she remarked. "It's annoying quite frankly."

My husband got it right when he said that "it's liberal guilt" and that Whites mean no harm when they say it. "They may be uncomfortable, that is all. It's something to say and they really think they are giving you a compliment."

He then pointed out to a very humorous skit on John Stewart where his resident "Black" guy who drops in to pontificate on race-related issues had a segment after President Obama got elected. The section about Black Liberal Guilt starts at 2:33 but all of it is funny and worth checking out:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Black Liberal Guilt
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

While it can be annoying at times, I do realize that unfortunately to many, we are an anomaly. It is sad actually. But I suppose by just being me and doing my everyday thing we do when I'm out with the Mischiefmakers, I am contributing to breaking the stereotype and exposing others to another kind of something so unexpected.