I used to think I envied Stay at home moms (SAHM) even so after reading a post, comments and commenting myself on a recent hot topic on EbonyMom's blog on SAHM the other day.
This week, however, I've thought about it some more, A Lot...and I've begun to realize that I may not be cut out to be a stay at home mom after all and maybe it just isn't for everyone.
I've been a Stay-at-home/Work from Home mom at the same time this Summer... LET ME TELL YOU THIS SUCKS!! It is DEFINITELY NO COMPROMISE to being either a full time SAHM or a full time WORK AWAY IN AN OFFICE mom.
Currently, because I have a houseful of in-laws in town for the ENTIRE summer, I've foregone taking my kids to the daycare or to my moms. So the boys romp around here. I run errands. I go to meetings. I work upstairs in the office. I escape with my laptop to a Wi-Fi hotspot when I need interruption-free time. I take business calls in the car or the closet or in the bathroom (not all the time w/out a kid banging on the door, begging to come in. hmprf!)
This ENTIRE EXPERIMENT with the kids home has been a challenge and a blessing, but more of a STRESSER and CHALLENGE! I WOULD NEVER DO THIS AGAIN! EVER!
First off, irrespective of there being other adults in the house or plentiful activities to engage in, once those kids realize I am in the building, they are in my face, whining and nagging me, refusing to ask one of the other relatives for juice...I must get up from my workspace and go down to the kitchen to oblige them. INSANE!
Second, I am stressed out bc of mommy GUILT. When I realize they have stopped playing with their toys or romping in the backyard to watch TV or play online computer games INSTEAD, I feel guilty that they're not doing any mind stimulating activity. I think of all my friends whose children only watch like one hour of TV a day. I feel like there are so many opportunities to engage them in learning activities that I am missing out on...Jarrod brings me a book to read to him at least 3 -5 times a day and I have to turn him away half those times because I am in the middle of an email. But I HAVE TO WORK TO SUPPLEMENT my husband's income.
I suppose we could change our lifestyle, cut back, but I think we have already cut back a lot and tho we could definitely eliminate a few extra luxuries or family trips, I'm thinking that we need those few remaining luxuries (like biweekly house cleaning) and organized activities and trips for the sake of the family and kids. Okay, I could cook some more and prepare meals and spend less money purchasing meals but that would require me spending more time away from work and the kids. ..not to mention the brain power thinking up recipes or searching for them online and prepping meals.
I felt less guilty at least when I didn't have to personally see all the TV my mom lets Jarrod watch (even tho I knew it was going on) while she cares for him and when I knew Caleb was at school being properly educated and instructed. Being the one to allow the TV watching while not educating them or doing crafts projects and such is STRESSFUL and has ME GUILT ridden.
The stress of running two businesses, carrying a child, entertaining in-laws, trying to conduct a challenging closing on an investment property, family trips and outings, carting Caleb and Jarrod to gym, swimming and camp this summer, looking for part time filler gigs to augment my income has made this the most HECTIC, INSANELY BUSY AND STRESS-FIELD summer of MY ENTIRE LIFE!
To sum up this Rant....
- I enjoy my work, my clients and the occasional adult interaction I get working with clients (even if just on the telephone). My husband says I'd be bored senseless if I didn't get to do mind stimulating work, even on a part time basis. I'm thinking he may be right
- You have to be on the job in mind and body 100% when in the presence of your children. You cannot keep ignoring a child who wants acknowledgment that he knows a tree or a kid asking a question. It is not fair nor healthy for the children. Zoning out is not an option. I love zoning out occasionally to gather my thoughts, meditate, talk to GOD. I'd only be able to do that during nap time or in the evenings.
- We cannot afford right now for me to not work b/c we've bit off more than we can chew and I'm not sure how to cut back
- I'd need to develop more patience to not worry about all the outstanding bills, projects and other nagging issues in my life to totally do my children justice as a SAHM. I don't think as a type A, Virgo, first-child, I am able to just let go...I don't have the discipline to be a scheduler and stick to a game plan as I've noticed most SAHMs do.
6 comments:
Hey, you don't have to justify your choice. You do what you have to do! Also? At least for me? Being a SAHM does not mean constant action and interaction. My kids play plenty on their own and we also do not go, go, go all the time. I can't imagine how hectic it would be to have relatives visiting, try to work at home, be pregnant and manage two small children at the same time. Hats off to you!
My opinion is that you are currently doing the job of about 5 people- SAHM, bed and breakfast concierge, lawyer, wife and entreprenur.
I guess the real main point of my post was not how great or fun being a SAHM but the fact that all of the support systems and outlets that are in place allow me to do this job without losing my sanity! I have to have vegging space and unwinding space. My children do get too much tv unless I literally keep them out and about.
You are doing an exceptional job so don't doubt one bit what a huge undertaking you've gone through this summer. And as I ramp up my photography business one of my goals is to bring in enough regularly to have biweekly housecleaning. You've got it girl so enjoy it. All moms have guilt no matter where we are in our lives but the best moms know how to not just take care of their children needs but also their own.
I really understand what you are going through right now. It sounds similar to the situation I'm in. It is really stressful and frustrating. I wish I knew the answers. I think most moms feel guilt regardless of the path they have chosen.
group hug!!!!
Hmmm. How about you cut one thing per day from your list? You're doing too much, says the lady who's ignoring her kids while reading your blog and typing a comment!
LOL @ la because I'm doing the same thing!
JJ you're my hero!
I'm about to embark on my first trip into the land of SAHM and...*lightbulb*...I just had an exciting idea! I'll create a blog to chronicle my new life as a SAHM!!
I quit my job (as of 2 days ago) because (a)even though I love the field, I was no longer in love with where I was and (b)the huz and I decided that with him being gone a lot because of his job I should devote more time to the kids (other than just weekends and the couple hours in the evenings between getting home and putting them to bed.)
I'm pretty sure I'm not 100% cut out for the SAHM thing but at least it'll be a welcome break, I'll get to spend more time with the kids (after I pick them up from school and daycare respectively) and have the time to go to yoga and the gym and lose some weight.
I'll look at it as a hiatus/experiment and see how things go. Ideally I'd love to get a part-time gig and my boss has hinted at my returning in a consultant role so *fingers crossed*...we'll see!
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