Today, Caleb participated in his second year of a longitudinal study of child development at that the Education College of my alma matter university.
Caleb was paired with another boy in a small room. The boys were put through a series of social experiments. Then in the end quizzed individual on their knowledge base.
It was tough to watch him be so passive and be bullied by the other test subject, a cute little kid called Isaiah, who refused to share the basketball and was so dominant. The mom and I sat in this adjacent room watching it all, filling out questionnaires, watching the video, trying not to judge the other kid or responding to our own kid's behavior.
She was shocked to see her kid be so agressive, spit out the snack crackers the experimenters gave the kids during a break and generally bully Caleb and tell Caleb what to do.
I was disappointed, but not surprised that Caleb was so passive. That is his tempermant after all. Secretly, but part of me wanted Caleb to shove that other kid, take the ball and stick out his tongue at him.
Isaiah's mom said that during the study last year, her kid was the passive participant to another kid and she noted that how the tables had turn. I think she secretly relished and was pleased to see her kid take charge....or maybe I'm projecting.
Caleb now has a little brother too now and plays socially with other kids at school, but still when approached with a kid his age, he shys back and let the other kid takes the dominant role. That is just like me, when I am thrown together in a situation with a person with a more a like-minded or more dominant personality than myself, I restrain myself and let the other person rule the room. I'm not sure that is a good thing.
What I learned about watching and wincing while watching the experiment is that Dave and I need to read more stories to Caleb (not just his favorite short board books). I think we'll review more child encyclopedias like the one my friend LaRonda who sells books online recommends.
Perhaps stimulating him with increased learning knowledge books and engaging him in word play and imaginative storytelling and asking him to retell me the story would simulate his mind and encourage him to be more descriptive with his vocabulary and perhaps respond to open ended (non multiple choice) questions better.
I'm thinking while he grasps concepts pretty easily and retains knowledge well, he's going to need to be better socially in order to succeed in school.
*sigh* or I should just let him be a kid....
3 comments:
I used to feel the exact same way about my son who is just learning to be a bit more aggressive (at 6 years old).
I think that once he's not being physically harmed, you should just let him be.
When its time for him to step things up a notch--I am sure he will!
yeah, i think you're right ms. behaving. i think it is a matter of Caleb being nice, polite and he cares about hurting others' feelings. Even when he was asked by the researchers if anything made him sad or if he would want to play with the kid again, he said he was never sad or mad and that he would want to play with Isaiah again. hmm? what a kid.
i think i may be overreacting. when i told my hubby yesterday I was thinking of enrolling Caleb in an early reading class this summer, he looked at me and rolled his eyes and gave me an emphatic NO!
LOL!
you know, I have been worried about my son's reaction to more dominant kids as well. He just sort of tires to disappear, away from all the comotion, where he can be all by himself.
Granted that he is only 13 months old, but I am still worried he is going to be a shy solo kinda guy. Nothing wrong with that of course...but youth is slight bit harder for people like that I think.
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