What Kind of Snob are You?

My trip to Yale to sit on a panel this weekend reminded me of a discovery I made about snobbery when Caleb was a baby and I hoodwinked our way through free play gym classes in DC, Maryland and Virginia. I took 5 months off from my law firm to be home with Caleb and I was always looking for fun activities to carte him to during the day. (the zoo, the library, the park) Then I discovered Gymboree play and music.

Gymboree offers free preview classes. You simply print out an online coupon, call ahead to make sure there is room and then show up for a class. I had the brilliant idea to milk these free coupons and go to every single center in the tri-state area. By the time I'd be done, we would have taken up to 6 free classes. Yes, I involved my 3 month old baby on a scheme to bamboozle our way into a month's worth of free baby gym play classes. The boy learn to storm reaaaaaal early, yes. In honesty though, I planned to take full classes if I would've found a center I cliqued with...

I did not expect to make a social discovery about class, socieoecomic status and snobbery during these sessions, however. I was most welcome and felt most at ease and comfortable at the classes I took in Falls Church, the wealthiest of all areas with Gymboree classes. There, every baby arrived in a Mercedes, BMW or Lexus SUV; was removed from a Britax (British) Turnabout car seat; got wheeled into class in an Inglesina, Maclaren, Bugaboo, or Peg Perego stroller. I found there were more mothers (who didn't work) than nannies. Though that particular group had already been meeting for 4 weeks before I snuck in with my "free preview" class, they were very accepting of me. They didn't know me from Adam, but still invited me to join their play groups and welcomed me to come to their homes for play dates. Their invitations didn't sound fake or forced. I could sense the genuiness in their offers. I got the same response at another center frequented by the wealthiest of wealthy patrons. Wow. Not what I had expected. I was pleasantly surprised.

HOWEVER, in classes in Rockville, Silver Spring and the District of Columbia which were frequented by mere upper class families, I had an entirely DIFFERENT experience. There, during the introduction session, everyone insisted on letting us know they were lawyers, or accountants or that their husbands were dentists. A good number of the parents toted their nannies along. Uh what's the point except to announce to everyone, "hey, I can afford a nanny. Here she is." A few nannies were there alone with child they cared for (the black ones looked at me and rolled their eyes. huh? what did I do to you people?) Overall, I didn't get the same warm reception or acceptance. Even though I tried to make friends and would ask them about their kid, they'd barely smile back and didnt bother to ask me about Caleb. When Caleb would play near their kids, they'd barely acknowledge that the kids were interacting.

Who knows what was up with the difference in patrons. The thought crossed my mind that these people just weren't friendly to me because I had interrupted their group session and was an outsider invading their comfortable space. Or maybe they could not tell where and if I was in the same social class as they were, they did not feel comfortable opening up to me and letting me into the fold. The distinctions and dynamics between the two types of classes was interesting, to say the least. My good friend, Diana and another friend said they'd had a similar experience at those centers.

After the unplanned experiment, I talked with my good friend Ama who relayed to me that she had already gone through that whole mess with her kid (who was a year older than Caleb at the time) and she had figured it out. Those at the top, going to the best school, being the most beautiful, having the most money; they are comfortable with themselves because they have nothing more to prove to anyone b/c they were already at the eschelon, the top. Meanwhile, those dwelling a notch below, though quite well off than most people on earth, were still unsatisfied that there was a peak that they have yet to reach. Thus, they'd expresse these insecurities onto others; those at less prestigious schools, not as beautiful and from lower socieoeconomic brackets. They'd act snobbish and put on airs. They were quick to point out what made them "special" and distinct. They would want to limit their circles to those they felt were comparable. They still had something to prove, at least they thought.

Hmmm. While mixing and mingling among the Yale students, graduates, professors and alums, I felt how laid back, comfortable and at ease they were. When I taught at Georgetown, I had the occassion to go to a party frequented by Yale alums who were living in DC at the time and they too were very earthy, liberal and low key. Quite a good number of blue bloods and "trust fund babies." However, you wouldn't know that they didn't have to work a day in their lives if they wanted. You couldn't tell that they went to the top ranked school (tied with Princeton for undergrads, and exchanging number one slot with Stanford in the west). They remind me of Californians and Caribbeans and Sierra Leoneans -- very chill and easy going.

Meanwhile, as my law partner, Nicole, confirmed, a good number of people we've met who attended or had attended Harvard, Berkeley, Columbia, Georgetown(for me) and schools ranked 2 thru 10, were not so ...how could we say...humble about their stations in life and were very eager to let others know that, in not so subtle ways, that they attended those schools. Perhaps, they had applied to the number 1 school and did not get in and felt still bitter about it. Never mind that they still got into very prestigious institutions and they could write their ticket in life on account of attending those schools. It's just not enough for some people.

My conclusion after this weekend is that I definitely want Jarrod and Caleb to go to the #1 top ranked school, if possible, if it means they will be amongst accepting and cool people. I am sure there are exceptions to every rule. Of course, as black boys, they may encounter prejudice and discrimination nonetheless. I realize too that there maybe other factors that contribute to this phenomenonal discovery of mine and maybe I just happened to have a unique experience that should not define all Yale-ees or Harvardians.

Anyway, I'm still betting on number #1.

OT: My panel went great. We got great feedback. I cracked up the attendees and kept them laughing and several students came to me after the fact letting me know they appreciated by candor and down to earthedness. The entire panel was phenomenal. We had a great discussion. Everyone felt comfortable. One other observation: though I'm not really surprised, I was still caught off guard to note that New Haven was white-washed, even more so that Penn State which I thought was THE whitest university in America (with a mere 3% minority population). I almost tripped over myself when I saw this brother come out of a car with his daughter while I was walking back to my hotel.